I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
