did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize