Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
