Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
