...so i touched it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize