i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
