she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
