I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
