just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
