I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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