You're a womanizer and a bitch.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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