called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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