we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
