Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
