never play flip cup with pint glasses
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
