my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
