my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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