That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
