so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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