Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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