listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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