9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
