Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
