I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
