I've blown a few things in my day
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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