Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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