I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
