I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
