look no pants
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize