You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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