Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dick very happy bro
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
