i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
