Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
