I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
