I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i think my cat just said my name.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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