May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
