i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
