Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
