your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
