Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
soo... how was my night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
