Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
