the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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