I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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