White coat. Heels.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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