I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
