Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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