YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
