I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I touched a dick in church today
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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