yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
