Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
