I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
