my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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