Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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