As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
