I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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