last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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