Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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