I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
