So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
