Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize