She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
