i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
