Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We're too hungover to prance.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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