I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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